* Your mom is so fat, she lacks a nutritious diet and doesn't get enough exercise * Your mom is so fat, when she sat on memory foam, it forgot. * Your mom is so fat, she sat on the beach and Greenpeace threw her in. * Your mom is so fat, when she goes to the beach, people yell out, "Whale Sighting!" * Your mom is so fat, she lay on the beach and people run around yelling Free Willy. * Your mom is so fat, she influences the tides. * Your mom is so fat, whenever she goes to the beach the tide comes in. * Your mom is so fat, she has her own zip code. * Your mom is so fat, she lives in two time zones. * Your mom is so fat, it takes a train to get on her good side. * Your mom is so fat, that when I tried to drive around her I ran out of gas. * Your mom is so fat, people jog around her for exercise. * Your mom is so fat, whenever she turns around they throw a welcome-back party. * Your mom is so fat, every time she turns around its her birthday. * Your mom is so fat, she jumps up in the air and gets stuck. * Your mom is so fat, when she jumps she ends up in Australia. * Your mom is so fat, she can't even jump to a conclusion. * Your mom is so fat, she plays hopscotch like this: California, Nevada, Arizona… * Your mom is so fat, when she tripped over on 4th Ave she landed on 12th. * Your mom is so fat, when she dances the band skips. * Your mom is so fat, she went on a date with high heels on and came back with sandals. * Your mom is so fat, every time she walks in high heels, she strikes oil. * Your mom is so fat, she stepped on a dollar and got change. * Your mom is so fat, when she steps on a scale it reads, "One at a time, please." * Your mom is so fat, when she steps on a scale it reads, "To be continued." * Your mom is so fat, she stepped on a talking scale and it told her to get the fuck off. * Your mom is so fat, she thought gravy was a beverage. * Your mom is so fat, I took her to dinner and the waitress took her order in shorthand * Your mom is so fat, when she goes to a restaurant she doesn't get a menu, she gets an estimate. * Your mom is so fat, she went to the salad bar and pulled up a chair. * Your mom is so fat, when the bitch goes to an all you can eat buffet they have to install speed bumps. * Your mom is so fat, she goes to a restaurant, looks at the menu and says, "Okay!" * Your mom is so fat, she broke her leg and gravy poured out. * Your mom is so fat, her blood type is Ragu. * Your mom is so fat, the only wiener she'll ever get is a hot dog. * Your mom is so fat, her first love was Krispy Kreme. * Your mom is so fat, she uses the Eiffel Tower as a tooth pick. * Your mom is so fat, she has to use a satellite dish as a Cereal bowl. * Your mom is so fat, she thinks that Niagara Falls is a drinking fountain. * Your mom is so fat, McDonald's set up shop in her house. * Your mom is so fat, her best friends are Ronald McDonald, Burger King and Betty Crocker. * Your mom is so fat, when she wears a yellow raincoat, people call out to her, "Taxi!" * Your mom is so fat, when she wears a yellow coat she looks like a school bus. * Your mom is so fat, she has an sign on her back that says "wide load". * Your mom is so fat, when she got hit by a bus, she said, "Who threw that rock?" * Your mom is so fat, she sets off car alarms when she runs. * Your mom is so fat, when her beeper goes off people think she’s backing up. * Your mom is so fat, she bungee jumps and falls straight to Hell.